To all those who have served, or are serving in the US Armed Forces, from a grateful citizen:

For putting yourself in harm’s way to protect our nation, I thank you.

For risking your own safety to uphold freedom throughout the world, I thank you.

For giving up your freedom to serve all of us, I thank you.

For separating yourself from friends and loved ones, I thank you.

For accomplishing the mission set before you day after day, I thank you.

For doing the things that must be done as a sacrifice for so many, I thank you.

For missing home-cooked meals, I thank you.

For giving up your comfort and security, I thank you.

For putting your life on hold to serve, I thank you.

For inspiring us to serve in our own ways, I thank you.

For your love of our country, I thank you.

For carrying on in the face of the dark things you have been through, I thank you.

For your sense of Honor and Duty, I thank you.

For doing a job that most of us will never truly understand, I thank you.

For all the times you wanted to be home but could not be, I thank you.

For everything you miss while you serve, I thank you.

For the long, lonely nights, I thank you.

For the bravery displayed by simply donning the uniform, I thank you.

For walking the walk, not just talking the talk, I thank you.

For hardship and loss, I thank you.

For all that you have done, are doing, and will do in service to our nation, I most sincerely and reverently thank you.

Well, I finally got the site back up and functioning. Maybe to celebrate, I’ll actually post something this weekend.

The subject of forgiveness has been on my mind of late, and it felt like it needed to be talked about.  I am not a great philosopher, nor am I a shrink or a pastor, but I have been on both sides of this subject, and I feel like I have something to say.  So, without further ado, here are the rules:

1. Forgiveness is necessary -   That is to say, that if you want to be free of whatever it was that happened to you, you must forgive.  There is no freedom from something you refuse to let go of.
2. On the whole, forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person – Forgiveness is a self-centered act.  It is something you do for yourself to be free of a burden, not something you do to free someone else.  The other person does not necessarily gain anything from your forgiveness, but you have a lot to gain.  If you wait for the other person to ask for forgiveness, you are giving them the power in the situation, and abdicating your responsibility to yourself.
3. Bitterness is a self-inflicted wound - When you hold on to things that have hurt you, they fester.  They simmer inside you and become bitterness.  That bitterness colors everything else in your life to one degree or another.  You start looking for other reasons to be angry or hurt, and it becomes a vicious cycle of internalization and bitterness that you could have prevented, had you chosen to forgive and move on.  You may not realize this, but holding on to anger, hurt, bitterness, etc. can also have a profound impact on your health, mental and physical.  What you do not forgive and let go of,  will make you ill, tired, cranky, or all of the above.
4. Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling – I can only speak for myself, but I have never “felt” like forgiving someone, and I have never “felt” forgiveness for another when I did forgive them.  Forgiveness has always been a conscious decision for me, not a feeling.  I choose to forgive someone, and somewhere along the line that decision becomes a feeling of closure, a release of something that was holding me back.  I can not recall a time where the decision to forgive, and the reality of the forgiveness coincided.
5. Forgiveness doesn’t mean it didn’t happen – Forgive and forget are not synonyms.  You choose to forgive, but you may never forget.  Often, the act of forgiveness can not and should not be equated to forgetting.  There are times that “forgetting” is actually a detrimental thing.  As far as I know, God is the only one for whom forgiveness and forgetting are the same thing.
6. Rule #6, there is no Rule #6 – Really?  You expected me to get through this without a Monty Python reference?
7. Forgiveness doesn’t mean it’s OK – Yes this is quite similar to #5, but I think it bears its own thought.  By forgiving someone, you are not in any way saying that what happened is suddenly “ok”.  If you were truly wronged, forgiving the person doesn’t mean they had the right to do what they did in the first place.  You are releasing your grip on the wrong, not telling anyone it was right…
8. If you are still bitter or hurt by it, you haven’t forgiven it – That is not to say that a wrong done to you, once forgiven, will never cause you pain again.  However, if that wrong is still eating at you, still making you angry, you haven’t completely let it go and you are giving power to the person that hurt you.  This is part of the process of deciding to forgive.  You will have moments where it will crop up again, and you will need to mentally reenforce your decision to forgive.  The good news is that these moments will become fewer, and farther apart as you move forward.
9. Forgiveness doesn’t take away the hurt (right away) - Like I said above, it’s a decision, not a feeling, and it isn’t a light switch either.  You don’t flip the forgive switch and “poof” you’re all better.  You have been hurt, and like any physical wound, it will take time to heal, and like a physical wound, it won’t heal if you keep poking at it.  Hopefully, as you move forward, the wound will be lessened, and after a time, you won’t feel it anymore.
10. Forgiveness is hard – Making the decision to forgive, even a small thing, is never easy.  It goes against our nature to let go of a hurt that has been inflicted on us.  It is a hard thing, but then again, most things of merit are hard, and like other difficult things, the payoff is well worth the effort.

Well, that’s it, my ever so humble position on forgiveness.  You’ve seen my rules, what are yours?  What do you believe about forgiveness?

Bad things are going to happen in life, we all know that.  They vary in magnitude, but they are inevitable.  The long term impact they have on our lives however, is at least somewhat within our control.

There are people who can face major adversity and seem unfazed, and there are those who collapse if their toast is too dark.  As I have talked about in other posts, I believe the key difference between these two extremes is, for the most part, attitude.  It’s how we choose to react.

When things go wrong – major or minor – how we choose to respond internally will greatly influence how well we cope with it, and I believe, how quickly we overcome the problem and are able to move on.

Here are a few suggestions I have for “adjusting” your attitude when bad things happen:

1.) Count your blessings – focusing on the good things in your life will do wonders for putting things in perspective and helping you be positive about a situation.  We all have things to be thankful for, no matter what we may be going through.  Take some time and think about the things in your life that are going right, and it will lessen the impact of the things that aren’t.

2.) Help others – Being kind and helping others with their problems gets your mind off the tough times you may be going through.  Reach out to your community and find a need, then pitch in.  It often takes little effort to be kind, and it makes a huge difference, in your life and in the life of someone else.

3.) Rethink the magnitude – There are times when you simply need to sit down and realize, this problem really isn’t as big or bad as it looks.  Taking the time to look at the situation and the potential outcome will often help you see that the issue at hand is not nearly as insurmountable as you thought.

4.) Talk about it - Go to someone you trust and talk about the problem.  Sharing a burden with someone who cares about you often lessens the load.  If you feel like you don’t have anyone to turn to, you can always contact me, I am willing to listen.

5.) Change the scenery - Changing the view can help change your perspective.  Get up and go somewhere beautiful.  If you can’t get there on your own, call someone to take you.  If it isn’t possible to leave where you are, then use your imagination and think about a place of peace and beauty.  Even this little mental vacation can make a world of difference.

This is by no means an exhaustive list, it’s just a start.  Now I want to hear form you.  Leave a comment and tell me how you maintain a positive attitude when things go wrong.  You never know who you may help by taking the time to share your thoughts…

Random things you need to know:

1.) You are in complete control of your attitude toward others.

2.) You are in complete control of your reactions to the events in your life

3.) Kindness can and will make a difference in the world

4.) You are loved – whether you realize it or not

5.) Every decision you make has consequences

6.) Not making a decision, is a decision

7.) Belief is one of the most powerful forces in the world

8.) There is always someone smarter than you

9.) Honesty is the best policy – really

10.) You are beautifully and wonderfully made and you have a purpose in this world

So tell me something, do you believe that an act of kindness can impact a person’s life?

Do you believe that multiple acts of (agenda-free) kindness can change a community?

If so, I have a project I am working on,  and I need your help.

Let me start by saying, this isn’t about spending money.  If you have the resources to support causes you believe in financially, by all means, do that.  However, what I am talking about shouldn’t cost you anything but time and maybe a little effort.

Here is the 30 second version of what I want The Kindness Underground to be  about:

I want The Kindness Underground to be a growing community of people who believe that one of the most powerful ways to effect real and lasting positive change in our world is to simply be kind to those around you.

When the opportunity presents itself, do something kind for someone, expecting nothing in return.  If the person happens to ask how they can repay you, ask them to do something kind for someone else when they get a chance.  By doing this, I believe we can spread a “kindness virus” that will grow beyond our imagination.

KindnessUnderground.com will be the hub of this community.  It will be a place for us to share our kindness stories (those where we give and those where we receive),  to inspire each other with ideas for random acts of guerrilla kindness in our world,  and to encourage others to bring the idea to their community.

So, you ask, what do you need help with?  …I am so glad you asked…

I need to know what our site needs to offer to help this idea grow.  What tools, features, etc do we need on the site to empower people to get out there and make an impact in their community?  What are some really cool things you have seen online (or offline for that matter) that you think are a fit here?  Please take some time to think about it, and then leave a comment with your ideas, I want to hear from you.

…and if you would like to be more involved in the creation of this community, drop me an email, you can get my contact information here.

Thanks in advance for your help.

I will be taking a couple of weeks to have gal bladder surgery and a brief respite for recovery – see you in a couple weeks, and thanks for the support