I had a rough time as a kid – not whining about it, just giving some background.  When I would come home from a particularly hard day of being picked on and verbally abused at school, my mother would say (among other heartfelt things) “People only criticize their betters”.

She told me that the people criticizing me were doing so because they knew I was a “better person” in some way.  She intended it to be a comfort, to sooth the sting of the things that were said, and I am grateful for that.  I took it to heart, and it did help somewhat.  When kids said horribly hurtful things to and about me (kids can be very cruel), I could take some solace in the idea that they were in some way envious of me and that was why they lashed out.

I don’t remember the exact moment it happened, but in some period of self analysis I started thinking about that simple, verbal salve my mother had offered me, and I had a moment of revelation.  I realized that if this were true of those that criticized me, I had to admit that it was also true about me.

I found a much deeper meaning in my mother’s simple words than she intended.  I could find something I envied about every single person I ever derided.  Sometimes it was an obvious attribute.  I criticized “jocks” because I lacked their physical skill and strength.  I criticized the “popular kids” because I felt excluded.  Often it was something deeper, and I really had to search for the root of it.  It was enlightening.

So dear reader, I suggest you look at the people you criticize and ask yourself this question:

What is it about this person that I envy, what  is it about me that is causing me to criticize them?

Sometimes you will see it right away, sometimes you will have to dig around for a while and get very honest with yourself.  It isn’t always easy to put your finger on it, but give it time and you will.

Once you figure that out, ask yourself if it is a trait truly worthy of envy.  If it is, do something to move toward the place where you perceive them to be.  If it isn’t, then it may be an area where you need to do some introspection to figure out where the discontentment is coming from.  Either way, you can only benefit from the answer.