Bad things are going to happen in life, we all know that.  They vary in magnitude, but they are inevitable.  The long term impact they have on our lives however, is at least somewhat within our control.

There are people who can face major adversity and seem unfazed, and there are those who collapse if their toast is too dark.  As I have talked about in other posts, I believe the key difference between these two extremes is, for the most part, attitude.  It’s how we choose to react.

When things go wrong – major or minor – how we choose to respond internally will greatly influence how well we cope with it, and I believe, how quickly we overcome the problem and are able to move on.

Here are a few suggestions I have for “adjusting” your attitude when bad things happen:

1.) Count your blessings – focusing on the good things in your life will do wonders for putting things in perspective and helping you be positive about a situation.  We all have things to be thankful for, no matter what we may be going through.  Take some time and think about the things in your life that are going right, and it will lessen the impact of the things that aren’t.

2.) Help others – Being kind and helping others with their problems gets your mind off the tough times you may be going through.  Reach out to your community and find a need, then pitch in.  It often takes little effort to be kind, and it makes a huge difference, in your life and in the life of someone else.

3.) Rethink the magnitude – There are times when you simply need to sit down and realize, this problem really isn’t as big or bad as it looks.  Taking the time to look at the situation and the potential outcome will often help you see that the issue at hand is not nearly as insurmountable as you thought.

4.) Talk about it - Go to someone you trust and talk about the problem.  Sharing a burden with someone who cares about you often lessens the load.  If you feel like you don’t have anyone to turn to, you can always contact me, I am willing to listen.

5.) Change the scenery - Changing the view can help change your perspective.  Get up and go somewhere beautiful.  If you can’t get there on your own, call someone to take you.  If it isn’t possible to leave where you are, then use your imagination and think about a place of peace and beauty.  Even this little mental vacation can make a world of difference.

This is by no means an exhaustive list, it’s just a start.  Now I want to hear form you.  Leave a comment and tell me how you maintain a positive attitude when things go wrong.  You never know who you may help by taking the time to share your thoughts…

I had a rough time as a kid – not whining about it, just giving some background.  When I would come home from a particularly hard day of being picked on and verbally abused at school, my mother would say (among other heartfelt things) “People only criticize their betters”.

She told me that the people criticizing me were doing so because they knew I was a “better person” in some way.  She intended it to be a comfort, to sooth the sting of the things that were said, and I am grateful for that.  I took it to heart, and it did help somewhat.  When kids said horribly hurtful things to and about me (kids can be very cruel), I could take some solace in the idea that they were in some way envious of me and that was why they lashed out.

I don’t remember the exact moment it happened, but in some period of self analysis I started thinking about that simple, verbal salve my mother had offered me, and I had a moment of revelation.  I realized that if this were true of those that criticized me, I had to admit that it was also true about me.

I found a much deeper meaning in my mother’s simple words than she intended.  I could find something I envied about every single person I ever derided.  Sometimes it was an obvious attribute.  I criticized “jocks” because I lacked their physical skill and strength.  I criticized the “popular kids” because I felt excluded.  Often it was something deeper, and I really had to search for the root of it.  It was enlightening.

So dear reader, I suggest you look at the people you criticize and ask yourself this question:

What is it about this person that I envy, what  is it about me that is causing me to criticize them?

Sometimes you will see it right away, sometimes you will have to dig around for a while and get very honest with yourself.  It isn’t always easy to put your finger on it, but give it time and you will.

Once you figure that out, ask yourself if it is a trait truly worthy of envy.  If it is, do something to move toward the place where you perceive them to be.  If it isn’t, then it may be an area where you need to do some introspection to figure out where the discontentment is coming from.  Either way, you can only benefit from the answer.